Angel, Maybe mine
by Libazeth
Summary: okay, this is a really depressing fic. PG13 for chacter death.
1. Return of a friend, return of a fear

Okay, I have NO CLUE what possessed me to write this. This is NOT a shippery happy story, nothing like anything else I've written. In fact, this is DEPRESSING and BAD, and I am HORRABLY mad at my muse for giving me a story like this to write. Flame, praise, I don't care-- actually, people yelling at me would make me feel better, cause this is REALLY disturbing. I officially HATE myself for writing this but, since it's written, I'll post it. By the way, spoilers are for season one and parts of season two. People who havn't seen the eps here may not get it, but if you have it all makes sense.

Disclaimer: It's not mine. I am so depressed I am not even going to comment on all the normal things I usually do here; if you want an interesting disclaimer, go read a different story.

Max walked into Crash, heading to where she knew Original Cindy, Sketchy, and everyone would be. As Max walked up to the table, a burst of laughter. A blond, face unseen, was clearly retelling a silly story. A blond head Max knew quite well, despite not seeing the owner for months.

"KENDRA!?" Max burst out, exited. 

Kendra shot around, wrapping Max in a hug. "Max! Hi! How are you?"

Kendra radiated energy, and as she waved her hand around Max saw a ring glisten on her finger. "Nothin much, but Kendra-" Max grabbed her hand to admire the ring. "What is this?"

Kendra giggled, a girly sound. "Well, I was in the country, and so I was coming back to see you and I stopped on this farm. There was this amazingly hot boy, named Adam, working there. I actually ended up working with him 'cause I stayed there a few weeks. He's really sweet, a bit protective though, and he speaks all these languages!"

Max felt her heart stop. She gagged on the gulp of beer she had just taken, almost spraying the table. Cindy, confused, whacked Max on the back. "Hey, boo, ya aiight? Ya look like ya gonna heave, and Original Cindy don't wanna be anywhere near that." 

Max nodded, gasping for air. Even the best of the Manticore soldiers were bad with certain things-- Max dealt badly with shock. Max looked around the table, noticing everyone looking at her, worried. She grinned and waved off their concern, turning to Kendra. "Hey, Kendra, I think I might know him… tall, dirty blond, really buff?"

Kendra replied exitedly, "Yeah! How do you know him?"

Max forced a smile. "Actully, he worked at Jam Pony for a real short time, workin under a alias of Sam-"

Original Cindy's jaw dropped, but Sketchy interrupted. "Sam? Sam-Sam? Our boy Sam, who disapeared on us?"

Kerdra looked around. "What do you mean? Adam's never been to Seattle before, he said so himself."

Max suddenly got a very queasy feeling in her stomach. "What do you mean, before?"

"He came with me, of course." Kendra replied, and Max stood up quickly.

"Kendra, it's been great seeing you, stop by Jam Pony tomorrow, leave a phone number, we'll hook up, okay?" Max grabbed Cindy's arm and pulled her out of the club.


	2. To hold fire on a fingertip

Zack stood tall, staring up at the tall tower in front of him. There was a light on in the penthouse window, and for some reason he had the desire to go see the person living there. He thought he knew them, he had a pulling memory that there was some unfinished business that needed to be taken care of. He knew it was insane; he had never been to Seattle, never met anyone from Seattle. He had spent almost his entire life on the farm, but for some reason he felt himself pulled into the building and up to the top floor.

***

Half an hour later, Max and Cindy pulled up to Foggle Towers. They both jumped off, and Max led Cindy to the elevator. After they were in the elevator, Max wondered if she should have really brought Cindy with her. She had brought Cindy as an innocent girl, someone who could go see if Zack was in Logan's apartment without actually risking Zack recognizing her. Max, however, now realized that if Zack was pissed, it was _not a good idea to send Cindy in to try and hold off a X5. Max turned to Cindy as the elevator slowed. "You go back to the lobby, wait for me. I'll meet you there in an hour-- if I'm not back, then call the police." _

Before Cindy could respond, Max slipped out of the elevator and the doors closed behind her. As she neared the door to his apartment, she noticed the door was open. Her heart froze, but before she went to see what had happened she heard footsteps. She stood against the wall, hiding behind a corner. She saw a blond man walk out of the apartment, and push the button for the elevator. As the doors slid silently open and the man walked in, Max saw, for a brief second, his face. His face was enough to make her heart break-- it was not the face of Adam, or Zack, it was the face of X5-___. His eyes were empty, and he did not seem human. All that he stood for was gone, and it was all her fault. As she heard the elevator leave, she rushed into Logan's apartment. She headed to the study, where he would have been sitting. She found him, sitting in his chair. She felt a flood of relief, but as she said his name and he didn't respond, she felt a single tear run down her face.

She walked around to the front of the chair, pulling it back. He was frozen, eyes frozen open with fear. There was no show of any beating, no blood. Max reached out tot ouch him, any thought of the virus gone-- what good would it do now, now that he was dead?-- and his empty body fell forward. Against the back of the chair was a huge stain, crimson like blood. It looked fake to Max's eyes, but she knew the truth when she examined his back. A single tine hole, not a gun shot but more like a tiny knife of needle, lay right below the base of his neck, between his shoulder blades. She ran her fingers over it, the gash still bleeding freely. As Max looked in shock at warm blood on her fingers, she was lost in time. Almost in slow motion did she watch a single drop of blood fall off her fingers. She blood, a perfect tear drop, fell to the carpet. Right before it hit the carpet, Max flashed through her life-- or at least, the time when she had been REALLY alive. Logan had done that for her, she knew, and as her time flashed the tears welled up.

**::From the first time I crashed into his life::  
"You're a thief?"  
"Girl's got to make a living."  
"Thank God."  
"First time I ever heard that one."  
"I was expecting someone else."  
"Guess it wasn't the pizza delivery guy.  
"We're just a little tense right now.  
"You have good taste. French, 1920s, a tribute to Chitarus."  
"Whoever that is."  
"Oh. So... What, you liked it 'cause it was shiny?"  
"No, because it's the Egyptian goddess Bast, the goddess who comprehends all goddesses, eye of Ra, protector, avenger, destroyer...giver of life who lives forever."  
(pilot, meeting)  
****::He tried to give me a soul::  
"So you miss the good old days. Even though there were still poor people who died from diseases when they didn't need to and rich people who still spent obscene amounts of money redecorating the house to match the cat. Those good old days?"  
"Even if they took it for granted, they still had a choice. Now they don't."  
"So what are you going to do about it?"  
"Something."  
"Personally, I'm more interested in going fast on my motorcycle than giving myself a headache over stuff I can't do anything about."  
"You accept the way things are...you're an active participant in making them worse."  
(pilot, logan recruiting max)  
**::and our chemistry was undeniable, but always working against us, getting us in trouble::**  
"I haven't been able to get you off my mind."  
"You need to get out more."  
"Come here. I want to show you something."  
"American, neoclassic gold leaf detail, late 1800s. I could probably fence it for two or three grand."  
"No, I meant this. Probably the most singularly beautiful face I've ever seen."  
"Expensive gifts, surprise late-night visits, over-the-top flattery. Do you always come on this strong?"  
"Only when I meet someone I have to know everything about."  
(pilot, logan finds out about max)  
**::he was always looking out for me, and doing what was right; even if meant sending me away::  
**"You're going to be okay, you know?"  
"Oh, yeah. I'll be better than okay. It's the way I'm made. It's you I'm worried about."  
"I'll miss you."  
"You could always ditch it all and go on the lam with me. Great way to visit exotic places meet new people."  
"I'd just slow you down."  
"It's okay."  
"I have to go back. Someone has to watch out for the downtrodden. Blah, blah, woof, woof, right?"  
"Right."  
"Take care of yourself."  
"You, too."  
(blahblahwoofwoof, goodbye kiss)**  
::and the first time I kissed him was…. amazing. I never forgot that, or anything we shared::  
**"Dance with me."  
"I can't."  
"Sure, you can. Mind over matter."  
"See, my problem is I can't walk."  
"I'm not asking you to walk. Just dance."  
"Whose dream is this, anyway... Yours or mine?"  
"Don't ask me."  
"You okay?"  
"Yeah. I'm just a little dizzy."  
"Do you want to stop?"  
"No. Don't let go."  
"I won't."  
"Promise?"  
"I promise."  
(blahblahwoofwoof, dream sequence)  
**::still, we were so stupid to just brush it off- we never really had a chance again::  
"**Will you look at us?"  
"Pathetic."  
"Hopeless."  
"Lucky we hooked up."  
"Happy anniversary."  
(meow, anniversary)  
**::after our anniversary, fate turned against us::  
**"Max… Max. Oh, God. Okay, it's okay. You're going to be okay… This isn't bad."  
"Logan…"  
"It's okay. You're going to be all right."  
"I'm sorry."  
"No, no, no, no. No, we're going to get you out of here. Okay, it's going to be all right."  
"There's something I've got to tell you. I should've said something a long time ago."  
"It can wait."  
"Logan..."  
"Max."  
(ajbac, max's 'death')  
**::and that night, I never got to tell him I loved him… he never heard the words::  
**"Max."  
"We gotta get you out of here. They're coming to get you."  
"We gotta go. They're coming to get you."  
"Who? What's going on? How did you—"  
"I'll explain later. Come on."  
"No, I have to finish my broadcast."  
"Forget it. It's not important."  
"What's wrong?"  
"I don't know. I—"  
"Logan, what's happening?"  
"You killed him, that's what's happening."  
(designate this, max's return)**  
::the final kiss that almost killed him; now he's dead anyway- and we never got to say the words::****

"Logan, I know I never said it, but I love you. Always and forever." Max found herself whispering. As the tears poured from her eyes, she forced herself to not break down.

Max reached out to push Logan's empty body back into the chair. As she did that, she brushed her hand over his forehead, down his face. She traced her hand over his eyes, gently closing the lids, and with one final gesture she kissed the top of his head. She turned and walked out, the only sign some had been there a single drop of red blood on standing out like fire on the pale carpet.

A/N: Okay, I'm going to post an epilogue now, and then hopefully I will have gotten all this depressing stuff out of my system.


	3. dArkAngEl

Original Cindy walked up to Max. Max was curled up on her bed, having barely moved at all the past week—she slept, tried to eat, and went to the bathroom. For a while she went to work; she was Normal's dream, working straight, run after run, no dallying or procrastinating. After three days of such behavior, Normal realized that something was _very_ wrong, and told Max to take a personal vacation. Original Cindy had been working shorter days, because Max could not work by herself. She tended to space out and forget to eat, causing her to loose a lot of weight. What she ate she tended to throw up as well, scaring Cindy to no end that her best friend would starve.

Cindy had called Bling the day Max found Logan. Bling had quietly put together a burial, and contacted Matt Sung to deal with the murder quietly. Few people knew of Logan's death, namely Max, Cindy, Bling, Matt Sung, and, of course, Zack. No one had seen or heard from Zack, although considering he had left Kendra behind it was assumed he had run from the wedding. 

As Cindy sat on the bed behind her robot best friend, brushing Max's long hair, there was a knock on the door. She stood up and opened the door to find Bling standing there. Cindy smiled sadly at him, and waved him back into Max's room. 

***

Bling had found a file when he was going through Logan's computer; it was in a folder called Max, and was a letter. Logan had once told Bling that if anything happened to give 'dArkAngEl' as the file was named, to Max. Bling now carried the letter in his hand, ready to give it to Max and leave. When he saw Max sitting there, his heart broke. He held it together and handed the paper to Max, and quietly said, "Logan wrote this for you- I think you need to read it." He left, unable to stand watching her. Her heard her open the envelope and unfold the paper, and looked at Cindy. 

Cindy spoke first. "It's horrible. I've never seen my boo like this before."

Bling agreed. "They were two halves, she must be lost without him."

***

Max was an empty shell. She could barely think, she hurt so much. 

_Max,  
   I want to tell you that I love you. I doubt we ever said the words; it's not like us to be straightforward. We both have experienced too much pain, both know too much for out years. My life cannot compare to yours—you are so strong, having experienced more than I ever could, and you are two-thirds my age. That is one problem we would have faced… people would not approve. Then again, it is us: a genetically enhanced beauty and a underground cyber journalist. Who would approve anyway, but more importantly, would we care? At any rate, I am not writing this to dwell on the past, but your future. I hope you do not succeed into your shell, into your attitude and your emptiness. Just because I am gone does not mean my love is, because love can never leave.   
   I wish we could have gone where we both wanted. I remember every kiss, every touch, every smile you passed my way. They were what warmed my heart. I bet you never knew how close I was to suicide. To but it blankly, if the water had not dripped through a minute later I would not be here to write this. You saved me, Max.   
  I love you. I wish I could see your expression, not knowing if you will crumple this up or say it back. I have known forever. When you were in m apartment and I said I would not leave, I meant it. Nothing could have moved me from your side. Nothing still can. I love you… I am no longer in the flesh to tell you, but every quiet night you spend on top of the space needle, listen to the silence and I promise you will hear me say I love you. As my mother said, the universe is right on track.  
  Don't close yourself up, Max. Leave your armor down, put away your sword. You will find that the world is a whole lot brighter that way. I closed after Valerie left, you opened me up. You'll be amazed at how free you feel.  
  I am leaving everything to you, because you are the closest to family I have. The password to all of my computers is your to guess. I leave you a clue:  
                 _Forever eyes.  
                 Dark.   
                 Somebody's angel. _    
Maybe my angel, I'll never know, but either way I love you.  
I love you, Max Guavera.  
~Logan_

By killing Logan, Zack had killed her as well. She had felt a searing hatred, and a horrible hole in her heart. She now knew what love was—love was what she had been missing, but had now found again. It was the silver lining to her cloud, the glue that kept her worn heart from shattering. Pulling the final thing from the envelope, she felt her eyes tear up. It was a picture, a frozen image from the security cameras in Logan's apartment. It showed Max and Logan, sitting across from each other, both sleeping. Max recognized it as being right after their second blood transfusion. They both had expressions of complete happiness and trust; both knowing the other would never betray them. Max felt tears slide down her cheek, and she snapped.

***

The two, each from a different world, brought together by the love of Max and Logan, were both filled with grief. They stood there, speaking quietly, until they were interrupted minutes later by a loud sob coming from Max's room. Cindy's eyes teared up as well. She turned to Bling. "She's crying. She's finally crying."

THE END.


End file.
